Batteries Not Included (The Soirees) video
#86: YouTube video by johndenewf
©2007 ~ Used with permission ~

Sittin' home on Christmas Eve -
Me and the missus;
Kids were fast asleep in bed,
When she said, "Let's do the dishes."
Now I'm not fond of housework, boys,
And I dread doing dishes;
So a thought occurred to me,
So I says to the missus:

"The tree's not dressed, the toys not out,
So I best get at it."
She said, "Me dear, sure they're upstairs,
Hidden in the attic."
So up the stairs I did creep,
As quietly as I could, boys;
Opened up the attic hatch,
And brought down all the kids' toys.

I set them down upon the floor,
Put a log upon the fire;
Then I saw, printed on the box:
Assembly Required.
Then the wife she said to me,
"Do you think that you can do it?"
Handed me another box that read:
Batteries Not Included.

She said, "Oh dear," as she fixed her hair,
And pulled on her stockings;
"I'll have to run to the store,
For the batteries I've forgotten."
She headed off to the store,
While I went to the tool shed;
I cursèd on those blasted words:
Batteries Not Included.

So I fixed meself a little drink,
And laid out all my wrenches;
Opened up the bloody box,
And out fell all the pieces.
Well the time went by,
As I assembled the toys;
And oh, was I tired;
I swore upon that cursèd phrase:
Assembly Required.

Oh the wife she finally got back home,
With the blasted batteries;
And I finished up the Christmas tree,
While she slipped into her nightie.
Then off to bed we did go,
Hung a stocking by the fire;
And all I could see in my dreams was:
Assembly Required.
Batteries Not Included.
Assembly Required.

####.... Augustus (Gus) Burton [1922-2009] of Pacquet and Grand Falls-Windsor, NL ....####
Recorded by The Soirees (Soiree's Christmas, trk#7, 1989, sound cassette recorded at Rainbow Studios, Kelligrews, Conception Bay South, NL).

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