Eli In The Cockpit (Ellis & Wince Coles) video
#2148: YouTube video by oldirishladdie
©2011 ~ Used with permission ~

She sat right next to Eli
on a flight to Newfoundland,
A lady from the USA with
a barf bag in her hand;
She said, "I like to 'pologize
if a problem I have made,
Try not to be embarassed, sir,
if I have to use this bag."

"My darlin', don't be foolish,
I've seen it all before,
When I fished in me schooner
off the banks of Labrador;
Be sure to take your false teet' out,
leave nothin' but the gums,
And cock your leg and let out gas
and shout out, up she comes!"

The P A it took over,
"Could I have your attention, please.
The pilot and co-pilot just
took sick and on their knees;
Is there someone flyin' with us
with the knowledge and the skill,
To land this plane in Gander,
the crossroads of the world?"

"Take me to that wheelhouse,"
said Eli, on his way,
"I'd say they got food poison
from that grub you served today";
As he sat down in the pilot's chair,
to the stewardess he did say:
"Drag them two boys out on deck,
they're all in the way."

"Gander Gander callin',
do you read me One-0-Two?"
"Captain Eli got ya,
I'm just cuttin' off a chew."
"First give us your position
and your height we'll need that next."
"I'm right up in the nose of her, boy,
and me height is five-foot six.

"There's a lot of red lights flashin'
and makin' funny noise,
So I smashed 'em with me Logan
'cause they're some hard on the eyes."
"Sir, what's your qualifications?
We're concerned 'bout loss of life."
"Boys, don't ya talk so foolish,
I steered a schooner all me life.

"Don't worry back in Gander,
no life will be lost,
I'm flyin' 'bout one hundred feet,
a poor day in rods;
Gonna follow that ol' highway
so I can always tell,
Just where I'm at and -
what d'ya know - just passed Stephenville.

"Eli callin' Gander -
there might be a slight delay,
Might circle over Badger and
drop some blankets on the way;
I'm goin' to tell me passengers
to take off all their clothes,
And sling it out the window,
them poor souls must be froze.

"I might dart out to Carmanville
so all on board can see,
That lovely little place
where Sophie lives with me;
The church where she and me walked in
dressed in our weddin' clothes,
The church where Sophie said 'I do';
where I said, I s'pose.

"This is your captain speakin'.
All hands look to the right,
Mine and Sophie's house
is just comin' into sight;
I think that's Clyde out on the point,
I'd say he's shooting crows,
Oh, look! I now see Sophie
down there hangin' out her clothes.

"All hands wave to Sophie
when I circle 'round this time,
My gosh! I hooked her clothesline
and draggin' it behind;
Gander, do you read me?
I gotta let ya know,
That I'm headin' for the airport
with Aunt Sophie's drawers in tow."

"Hurry, drop your landing gear,
you're flyin' much too fast."
"Never mind, I'm keepin' to the side,
gonna slide in on the grass;
If I comes down that asphalt
dragging Sophie's clothes along,
Her blankets will be full of tar,
and her drawers as good as gone."

There were rats and frogs
comin' outta the bogs,
As she tore down through the grass;
And just outside MacDonald's
she came to rest at last;
Out stepped Uncle Eli,
all dressed in pilot's clothes,
First one he seen was Sophie,
wavin' mad in a Morse code.

He said, "I can't believe it,
you got here as quick as me,
You know me truck is gettin' old,
a nineteen eighty-three."
He said, "You musta been flyin',
you could have got a fine."
She said, "You sure got that right,
I was tangled in the line."

She grabbed him by the neck,
and she slapped him with her hand.
"Sophie, please be gentle
'cause I'm your lovin' man;
Might work with Canadian Airlines,
I'm expectin' them to phone."
"You'll be workin' with Provincial Clotheslines
as soon as I get ya home.
You'll be workin' with Provincial Clotheslines
as soon as I get ya home."

####.... Ellis Coles ....####
Recorded by Ellis and Wince Coles (Eli In The Cockpit, trk#1, 2000 CD, SWC Productions, English Harbour West, NL).

See more songs by Ellis & Wince Coles.

From the Dictionary Of Newfoundland English:
Logan - leather boot with rubber foot, reaching below the knee, and used for woods or winter wear.


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